I’m in Hawaii. I’m supposed to be celebrating my baby girl’s graduation. Instead I’m pouting, I’m pissed, I’m sad and angry all at once. He’s never going to love me the way I want him to. The man who wanted to marry me and spend his life loving me is never coming back. I see glimpses, but they are fleeting. I decided almost a decade ago I didn’t want to be that woman who grows old and bitter, I didn’t want to be my mothers mother… and now here I am, again.
~ That was a note I wrote to myself three years ago. I let it get so much worse. The tension started in the airport, my daughter was teasing him about when he was buying my engagement ring… he had proposed the previous fall. He immediately became defensive and turned into, well, an asshole. We dropped it and got through our flight. When we arrived at our accommodations it was extremely hot and only the living room had an air conditioning unit. My daughter was supposed to be sleeping on the pull out while he and I took the bedroom, no. He decided DD2 and I would share the hot bedroom and he would sleep in the living room, he also insisted we shut the door because… I don’t know, we were breathing too loud or existing or something similar that bothered his royal highness. Did I mention this was DD2’s graduation trip? Let me also mention that He did not contribute one dime to this trip, he was purely there because I was stupid and wanted him there.