woman, boat, sky

Not So Nice

I don’t know why I decided to give so much of my energy to Mr. Nice Guy. Because he didn’t seem interested? Because he did, but just enough to pull me in and then leave me there dangling on the hook all alone? I don’t know, I did feel a connection, an ease with him. None of it was worth the feeling of desperation. I’ll be dammed if I am going to beg a man to give me his time or attention. Nice… it’s not nice to waste someone’s time, their energy. To play with a person’s feelings.

I am a Goddess.

I am worthy of being sought after, of being desired and adored. I keep giving my power away seeking a partner. But I know my true partner won’t take from me, he will give. He will bring love and strength and support and encouragement. I’m so tired of giving and giving. Yet I know it is I who keeps depleting myself. It is I who keeps trying to earn love. I am love. I just have to be.

It’s okay to sit and be sad. It’s okay to mourn and miss having a connection. I took the first for granted, the second was trying to hide in the past, the third was a punishment, and this one, this one was nothing. Just another distraction keeping me from giving all of the love I have to myself, maybe I’m afraid I won’t know what to do with so much love.