Almost Baby
It is not time for you baby. Almost. But not yet. We love you already. Thank you for taking care of your mommy, she needed
Beautiful Darkness
You entered from nowhere…. just there one day. Noticeably there. I would look for you, just to make myself smile. I never would have allowed
Not So Nice
I don’t know why I decided to give so much of my energy to Mr. Nice Guy. Because he didn’t seem interested? Because he did,
Not Mine to Miss
I have to give myself a moment to grieve. To grieve the loss of something that was never real. Ironic. Isn’t that how this all
Doing Nothing.
I feel calm, still, at peace. I had breathwork today and I think this was a very remarkable turning point. Not that anything extraordinary happened,
One More Time
Here I sit trying to figure out what the Universe wants from me. The scary part is I think I know. It wants me to
It’s my Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To
I hurt. I had an appointment at the dentist that went down the dark tunnel of torture. My face went from completely numb to numb
Removing Myself
I don’t know why the Universe decided I actually had to like him. Maybe I just needed a trial, to be forced to stand up
It’s Not Worth the Price
They say being alone is okay. That we have everything we need within ourselves to feel joy, bliss… we don’t need another person to make
I Forgive You
For the graying clouds of anguish behavior Not to see the unchanging and bitterness of your thinking how you see me as a comparison to
Giving My Power Away
After a lifetime of conditioning I still want a romantic partner. When I can’t find one to suite my needs I try to create him.
Sitting with the Pain
Yesterday I reacted poorly, and was unnecessarily defensive. It pisses me off. It pisses me off that what he did is still affecting me. That
Expectations
M called me earlier and asked how it was going with Mr. Nice Guy, I told her I hadn’t talked to him since yesterday when
Liberated
What a wild ride this week has been… It feels like this is the first chance I’ve had to sit still, much less write. A
My Brother has a Theory
The other day my brother said to me, “He’s just after one thing”… I know what you’re thinking, that’s not it! My brother thinks everyone
Men… Blah.
I’ve always liked boys… no, I mean really, really liked them. I think most of us hit a boy crazy period during adolescence but mine
Sick and Alone
I am a terrible person when I’m in any sort of pain. I don’t mean to be, I am just emotional when I’m sick and
Still Reacting
I think it’s over, I think I’ve finally stopped reacting and then something else happens. I found myself in a situation last week where I
Speak your Peace and Release
Was it sex Was it love Was it security Why are you still holding on to any of it It was toxic and destroyed It
What Game was This?
What exactly was the goal of this game? My side wanted to give and receive love. His side wanted only to receive it. His side
Moving On Hurts
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve cried over him. It hit my heart tonight. Knowing that I’m really letting go is painful. There’s always
First Date After the Narcissist
I am waiting on my date. This is the first date I’ve gone on since throwing my narcissistic husband out. The poor guy (who happens
Betrayal Bonding – The Ugly Truth of the Trauma Bond
I am listening to the audiobook The Betrayal Bond by Patrick J. Carnes, PhD. It’s a hard book to listen to (or read), it delves
You Took Away My Trust
I am having a hard day. I’m not sure what is bringing up these feelings today. I want to scream at him, I want to
No Respect No Regard
I’m lying here getting ready to go to go sleep, replaying the day in my mind. It clicked, it’s so obvious but it just clicked.
Being a Solo Shopper Post Covid
Today has been a test of my ability to maintain a positive outlook. I am trying so hard. I woke up and wrote out what
Energy Goes Where Intention… Focuses on Your Own Happiness
I have given so much of myself to those who have hurt me. I have given so much to my narcissistic husband. It’s my turn.
Accepting That I am Never Getting Closure
I broke no contact today. I feel slightly ashamed, but he’s back to ghosting me so I don’t feel nearly as bad as I would
Shackled by a Little Band of Gold
At least once a day I try to take off my wedding band. I was shocked when I washed my hands this morning to see
I am Struggling Today
I messed up. I texted him happy birthday last night. He just replied with a “Thanks, Sharon”… but that was enough to get my mind
When You Lose Someone
When you lose someone, whether it’s through death or a closed door, there is a lesson to learn. A part of that lesson is to
We Weren’t on Different Pages – We Were Characters in Different Stories
I can still see his face, telling me he thought I was strong enough, that our “foundation” was strong enough for me to handle what
I’m on Fire – The World’s on Fire!
That SOB. Half of our state and the two states below us are on fire, do you think he has bothered to even check on
Roller Coaster Ride
I am so angry. I’m lying in bed trying to sleep and the tears just started. There was a scene on TV where two people
Listen to Yourself
I’m in Hawaii. I’m supposed to be celebrating my baby girl’s graduation. Instead I’m pouting, I’m pissed, I’m sad and angry all at once. He’s
When Things Fall Apart
Energy. When we dream, plan, strive to reach our goals – we are expending energy. And do you know why that is such a big
Rage
I am so angry. Angry at him for ghosting me, for gaslighting me for turning me into this mess of a woman. I am angry
Birthdays and Heartache
(Insert deep sigh here) Today is DS’s 23rd birthday. We had his celebration at DD2’s house with all of the littles. My son tried to
You Should Write a Book
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that. First of all, writing a book is not easy, hell writing a book report
Being Honest With Yourself
I saw him yesterday… I made a joke while talking to K, telling her my no contact calendar has become a mess. She immediately jumped
Lost Innocence
During my cram packed searching and studying to learn all I could about Toxic Relationships, Narcissists and other Cluster-B types… the one thing that really
Saints, Witches and Gurus… oh my!
I’ve spent my life searching for a higher power. When I was a child it was a Catholic God, after my father died and some
God it Hurts
I reached out yesterday… no response as expected. I just told him I hope he got settled okay, and then felt ashamed of myself immediately
He Didn’t Put His Hands on Me
That’s what he says… but that is exactly what he did. He says he was just pushing me away because I came “at him”… I
Uninvited Guest
I feel sick. DD2 texted me and told me He just showed up unannounced, our nephew in tow. This man, this person, who cannot allow
Psychopath Free
Jackson MacKenzie has become one of my favorite authors. He shares his detailed research and describes toxic partners almost perfectly. There are several topics that
I Can’t Breathe
I woke up sobbing this morning. I had a dream that broke my heart and before I was even awake I had texted him. He
I Threw Him Out… During a Pandemic.
It was a Tuesday… I woke up that morning at 6 am. I am not a morning person. Something told me to look at his
A Slight Cold
It started the week before Thanksgiving, I felt like the flu had hit me like a ton of bricks. I refused to cancel Thanksgiving, I
My First Husband
I met my first husband just briefly the night of my mother’s funeral. I was 17 so I didn’t have the sense to be at
Father
When I was a little girl, my father was my best friend. My mother came and went, the first time she left I was less
Broken Open
The interesting thing about this book is that I don’t remember actually buying it. As a matter of fact, after reading the back cover I
Being Alone
My nest is empty, all but one adult son with Asperger’s who dwells down below (in the basement apartment). So yeah, I’m pretty much alone