mom, daughter, son

Almost Baby

It is not time for you baby. Almost. But not yet. We love you already. Thank you for taking care of your mommy, she needed

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angel, fire, church

Beautiful Darkness

You entered from nowhere…. just there one day. Noticeably there. I would look for you, just to make myself smile. I never would have allowed

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woman, boat, sky

Not So Nice

I don’t know why I decided to give so much of my energy to Mr. Nice Guy. Because he didn’t seem interested? Because he did,

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vipassana, yoga, consciousness

Doing Nothing.

I feel calm, still, at peace. I had breathwork today and I think this was a very remarkable turning point. Not that anything extraordinary happened,

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a couple s hands breaking apart

I Forgive You

For the graying clouds of anguish behavior Not to see the unchanging and bitterness of your thinking how you see me as a comparison to

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beach, model, ocean

Expectations

M called me earlier and asked how it was going with Mr. Nice Guy, I told her I hadn’t talked to him since yesterday when

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under water, fashion, woman

Liberated

What a wild ride this week has been… It feels like this is the first chance I’ve had to sit still, much less write. A

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grimace, funny, expression

Men… Blah.

I’ve always liked boys… no, I mean really, really liked them. I think most of us hit a boy crazy period during adolescence but mine

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birds flying over anonymous woman admiring wavy sea from rocky shore

Still Reacting

I think it’s over, I think I’ve finally stopped reacting and then something else happens. I found myself in a situation last week where I

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silhouette of woman on surfboard in water

Moving On Hurts

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve cried over him. It hit my heart tonight. Knowing that I’m really letting go is painful. There’s always

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Listen to Yourself

Listen to Yourself

I’m in Hawaii. I’m supposed to be celebrating my baby girl’s graduation. Instead I’m pouting, I’m pissed, I’m sad and angry all at once. He’s

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Rage

I am so angry. Angry at him for ghosting me, for gaslighting me for turning me into this mess of a woman. I am angry

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Lost Innocence

During my cram packed searching and studying to learn all I could about Toxic Relationships, Narcissists and other Cluster-B types… the one thing that really

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God it Hurts

I reached out yesterday… no response as expected. I just told him I hope he got settled okay, and then felt ashamed of myself immediately

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Psychopath Free

Jackson MacKenzie has become one of my favorite authors. He shares his detailed research and describes toxic partners almost perfectly. There are several topics that

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A Slight Cold

It started the week before Thanksgiving, I felt like the flu had hit me like a ton of bricks. I refused to cancel Thanksgiving, I

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Father

When I was a little girl, my father was my best friend. My mother came and went, the first time she left I was less

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Broken Open

The interesting thing about this book is that I don’t remember actually buying it. As a matter of fact, after reading the back cover I

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Being Alone

Being Alone

My nest is empty, all but one adult son with Asperger’s who dwells down below (in the basement apartment). So yeah, I’m pretty much alone

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